Feel good

Am I the only one who thinks the second De La Soul rapper sounds like a Jungle book character on this track? The part that goes 'care bear reppin in hotter...


I mean that as praise.

Shower gel is a racket

I'm going back to bar for my body. This will save money and reduce the number of products I consume and therefore must make space for.


baby steps playa

Playa of the week

FC Dallas' Carlos Ruiz


Holla!

Pub quizzers (partial) From L to R Kevin, Dustin, J.R. Roberto,Amy, Gina, Danie,l Jeff, Randi, Erik
 

Tuesday

Long weekends are good.

I watched US vs. Eng on Sat, the US needs work to say the least. Watched FC Dallas travel to RFK to take on the defending champs. FC was without Eddie and Greg Vanney who were off on National team duty. One brilliant Ruiz goal (currently holding 80% of the goal of the week vote) and just like that Dallas wins a tough road game 2-0. This team may truly be special, and you should get on the bandwagon now. The championship game is going to be held in Frisco this year, let's try and make it a home game! Who's with me?

Please stop by either fcdallas.net or MLsnet.com and check out the goal by Mr. Ruiz...it's pretty cool. It will give you a hint as to why I'm so into it.

On Sunday I had soccer practice for 3 hours. It rained on us for about fifteen minutes, but otherwise it was all good. I did feel my age again. Huge blisters, strained groin, and bruised heel (and that's just the left leg) The good news is you can ride a bike with a strained groin, so my Monday fitness was still on.

I also have practice at least two night this week...sigh.


Sunday night brought a rare appearance of me in public, as I paid a visit to the pub quiz. We had a large group, and yet there were still strangely a few answers I was the only one who knew. This is nice because it outweighs the appalling lack of answers I had overall.

I was the only one who could definitively identify an old pic of Eric Clapton, or that about Schmidt drove an RV, and that the Stones first hit was a cover of what Buddy Holly song...not fade away of course. I tend to leave the Shakespeare questions to others. Anyway we won by two answers so I felt like the effing x-factor.

Shout out to all veterans! We appreciate all you've done, and continue to do. Too many people I care about feel this country is a lost cause and leaving is the answer. I really hope they stick around, this country is at it's best when we debate issues and welcome all voices.

Yes I will buy the new Oasis today, and no I don't expect it to be any good.

Gorillas on the other hand is kind of genius.

Safe as milk

Have a good weekend, and be careful on area lakes or whatever.

Dooble decker luv 

joyful lot 

Is that your cell phone ringing? 

woo hoo 

who's with me? 

Istanbul the morning after 

Weekend

This weekend's got suck written all over it. I need to take up drugs or something.

Memo

I didn't get the memo explaining that this is a four day weekend. There's no one here, I'm the only one in my department,and damn near the only one in the building. I'm gonna take my pants off, and see if anyone notices.

I guess I'll get some work done, I mean what choice do I have?


Music-Malkmus, Shelby Lynne, Negativeland, Sleater Kinney
Netflix-Sunset blvd

Hoochie daddy

'so I had to did what I had to did cause I had a kid'-Kanye West/Common


A woman I work with just instructed her young daughter to say 'goodbye hoochie daddy' to me. Is this an insult? What is a hoochie daddy? Is that like a hollaback girl? cause I ain't no hollaback girl!

Tivo

My Tivo has been turned off for over a year. the reason? simple it isn't good enough. Everyone of my soccer buddies is pissed cause Tivo missed the end of the game.

So you pay a monthly fee to miss the end of the match?

If I set a VCR I allow for all eventualities, and it's free.

I will turn Tivo on, when they get all the bugs out of it.

hey hey we're the Monkees! 

glory 

Goal! 

Shankly 

Suart, the lovely Katy, and a contemplative Robert 

pic is a blurry as our brains were 

me, Dave, and random scouse friend 

Big day out

Yesterday morning everyone in my office was speaking Italian to me, in an effort to break what's left of my balls. Who knew so many people knew a little Italian, I suspect they were looking it up on the internet.

Went to the pub, no one else is wearing fezes, shot of the crowd no fezes... watched as the two or three Milan fans cheered and danced for the entire first half. What could we do? We just had to sit there and take it. With each goal the fez feels sillier....3-0 at the half, grim...all is lost...don't lose faith..let's pull one back early in the second half and try and make a game of it....goal goal goal in 8 minutes...game on...nails bitten..nerves fraying...would hurt more to lose it now....c'mon Liverpool...Liverpool chants and cheers going up in the bar..trying to will them on. Stevie is shutting down their wide play brilliantly...time is running out...don't go to penalties cause we have no proven penalty takers, and our keeper is suspect.....Full time...penalties...We won! Katy and Stuart caught me crying as I watched...hugs from strangers...pint bought by strangers...Dave gives away his fez...girls asking for my fez...but I'm keeping it...Singing the Jam, Buzzcocks, and Madness songs...drink more drink 'That's Entertainmuhhaaaauuunttt lalalala laaaaa...

Still shocked!

There is nothing to compare it to for the non-soccer fan. It's like a multi-nation Super Bowl only bigger.

The Underwood Devil

Carrie is the American Idol...eh so what. She's cute and can sing, but most of her material has been awful and soulless.

American Idol is a bit bland for my taste. The best part of this season was seeing Joss Stone's GAP commercials.

Silly

Embarrassing fez photos were taken and will be posted without edit, as soon as I get them.

man of the hour 

Woo  

Distance

I'm glad I live pretty far from the new Ben and Jerry's store.


Know thy self player

Cryin' waitin' hopin'

I will be out today watching the big game. I fear defeat, but to be in the game at all is to be way ahead of schedule.

Rob and Amber get married was the most soulless, self important and meaningless program maybe ever. I only watched a bit of it, cause it was vomit inducing. They are over exposed, lack any real talent or insight, and it's time for them to go away.


When I was a very young child I ate a racist theme restaurant called Sambo's.

I'm pretty sure 50 cent has nothing. The two songs I've heard sound the same, and are pretty spare. I like hip hop with more brains like Outkast, De La Soul, and the Roots. All this Yin Yang twins stuff is weak



Music-Common be and Gorillaz Demon Days

Headline

'Italy probes 186 over child torture website'

Any of the 186 start for AC Milan? Minter says hopefully.

Istanbul not Constantinople

At this time tomorrow I will be sweating Liverpool's Champions league final. It's not like we expect to win, but it would sure be nice since it may take years to get back.

AC Milan is a formidable opponent, and it won't be easy but I'm trying to keep the faith.

Besides we have fezes or is it fezi?

Praise not pay

My department is basically a two man team, we work with a couple other people but when it's time to face Sweden there are two us in the room.


Today Magnus called us a 'shinning light' because we are doing much better than larger companies in our group.


This is nice, and it's what's on offer in place of actually getting paid what we're worth.

Super Ron

Super Super Ron
Super Super Ron
Super Super Ron
Super Ronnie O'Brien

FC Dallas' Ronnie O' Brien named MLS player of the week.


Amen

School house rock

'first we amend the constitution, then we can make all kinds of crazy laws'-the Simpsons School house rock episode


True genius, and for obvious reasons it's been on my mind lately.


Texas is great state full of wonderful diverse people, so why do I have this fear that the gay marriage ban will pass with ease?

King of America

I see Rob Walker wrote a piece in the Sunday New York Times Magazine about the marketing of reissues. Specifically how do you get people to buy King of America for the fourth time.

Good to know I'm ahead of the curve in the pathetic department.

Wondering why the Swedes call it a produktkatalog (one word)


It seems Flanders failed to lock up the place Friday night, so the building was open all weekend...pure genius.



Music-feist

Stressed

My doctor gives me Crestor, cause none of the other shit has worked well enough and you don't want to drop dead at 50 like your old man do you?

Trouble is Crestor is being hotly debated right now, it seems it may have too many dangerous side effects. It would be ironic to die of kidney failure or some other side effect.

Let's review;

I'm 6' 4" 218 lbs
I do cardio every day
I eat right
I'm 38 years young
I have high cholesterol and family history big time
Diet alone doesn't work
Diet combined with omega 3 and pantothenic acids doesn't do it well enough
Crestor does but may be pulled off the market or kill me whichever comes first

My doc says Crestor is ok, but if the FDA approved it he has no reason not to say that.

Sorry to be a downer today, I honestly don't know what to do anymore, it's depressing. I'm a lab rat, a chemistry set, and an autopsy waiting to happen.

Sad Irony

The Tillman family is unhappy about the Army's attempt to, if not cover up, at least delay the truth coming out about the circumstances of Pat's death. This is disgusting, and props to the Tillman family for speaking out. Tillman and others like him bravely died for an ideal that must be upheld, and it's a sad irony that it wasn't even upheld when it came to reporting the details of his death.

We really need to shape the fuck up.

Oh and it looks like the gay marriage ban will be put to vote her in Texas. I'm sure it will pass. Would it pass if it were 'Jew marriage ban? or 'Black marriage ban? Of course not. When you hear it put in another context you instinctively know it's wrong. This is every bit as wrong.

I do not feel that consenting adults should have fewer rights as a result of their sexual preference...pretty simple really.

Bottom line do you really care who gets married? Does it really effect you?

Oh and how ironic is the house and senate passing a bill to protect the sanctity of marriage....uh you better check your interns and make sure you are paid up on your hush money.

Ageless? well..

I'm really feeling it today. My soccer, bike, and gym marathon has a price. I'm sure the college age kids I was playing with are fine today, but I need a moment.

I will not let the heat grind me down. I sweat like a mofo, and in the past this has been why I hate summer...I mean we are talking hyper hydrosis type stuff. My mom took me to the doctor as a small child cause she thought I had some medical condition that caused this profuse perspiration.

Anyway screw it I bought a some handkerchiefs, and I'm ready to fight the power.

Okay I'm exercising at a very high rate, so now I need to do better on the diet front. I wish they still made chicken by George.


My biggest issue with Star Wars is everyone is big-time. No one is just a guy. Chewbacca is a big player on the wookie planet, Jar jar is big player with his crowd. Everyone seems to know each other and be high ranking. Why then would Chewbacca later go into smuggling? R2D2 has a number of powers in the first three that he will not have in the last three like flight...effing flight!!!! c'mon are we to believe he just never needed to fly in the last three? bollocks!

When the summer comes around

The hair dryer is officially on. It was mighty hot this weekend. I'm trying a new approach this year, I will embrace the heat. I'm tired of being miserable for 4 months out of the year.

I got off to a good start since I was outside for hours on Sat, and all day Sunday and didn't get burned.

Friday got my summer hair cut on, and came so very close to saying '#1 guard all over' the Chris Martin, Brad Pitt style, but I left a little on top, maybe next time.

Played soccer on Sat and Sunday in the heat, and I loved it. Everyone was quitting when I was just getting started. I went home and hopped on my bike and rode for an hour and then went to the gym. I was feeling really energized. I did feel rusty since it's been years since I played, my passes were often too hard or too soft. I did have an assist on our first goal, and later I missed a sitter.

Last night saw FC Dallas get a four game road trip off to a great start as they erupted for five goals in LA to rout Chivas USA 5-2.


Oh and yeah I saw the Star Wars film, not terrible, but not great either. I may rant on this later.


Music-Gang of four Entertainment
Netflix-no time I was out side nearly all weekend

Anka quotes

I can't stop quoting Paul Anka.

'the guys get shirts'
'you thought you thought'
'don't make a fuckin' maniac outta me'
'I slice like a hammer'
'we're not gonna be as strong as our weakest link'


I am insane now.

Picture book

No need to write anymore...nope just pics from here on out

donc charmant 

Come fly with me 

YNWA 

Clapping when we should be holding the flag (upper right) we now understand oour duties 

Why I hate cash

lunch total $6.06


That leaves .94 to ride around in my pocket which I hate, or end up on the dresser in a jar or Crown bag.


I need to make an important announcement about Ms. Lohan. I'm over her, she is too skinny now. I'm sorry dear I thought you were special, but you broke the Lara Flynn-Boyle rule.

Creep

It's funny John mentioned neighbors, because last night I was forced to confront mine or so I thought.

My neighbors have a very large house, and there are a lot of people living there. My theory is there are three generation represented, but I can't be sure.

Last night while working on my set pieces in the back yard, I delivered a perfect corner kick that bounced up off the trees and over the fence into my neighbors back yard. Oh shit! So I go to the door, past the four cars on their driveway and knock. Wait, knock wait, knock...okay now what...Who has four cars in front, and not one person home?

Not to be denied, I knew I had to go old school.

For the first time since 7th grade I was up and over the 6 foot fence, and onto my ball in seconds. As I exited through their gate I felt like a criminal. My fear was that they were really home, or would be driving up as I exited.

It's that crazy guy from next door!
First the fez, now he's in our backyard!!!!

Loco gringo!


But I was charmed, made a clean getaway and back to my world cup prep.

I'm out of ideas

Damn Flanders, that's a big ass knee brace-Barry Bonds


Friday has arrived not a moment too soon. This job isn't the fulfillment of a lifelong dream as I hoped it would be.

According to my email, May is masturbation month, but I started early. I'm kinda like the year round Christmas store in that regard.


Mercifully the Apprentice finale was only an hour...praise be.

Music-Fiona Apple unreleased (thanks to my brother for the hookup)
Netflix-Team America world police

I struggle

How do you use hello to send a pic toyour profile? I struggle.

before kickoff, I'm in the men's room 

I'm under the flag 

Annoying people

So the Operations manager who I'll call Henrik just stuck his head in my office and said 'come with me to Flex-ing'

Flex-ing is a supplier we have in Sherman TX, about an hour's drive from here.

me-'uh okay when?
H-'about 1:30'


I look at my clock and see that it's 1:27.

'I can't do it today I have too much to do' I lied

Honestly who the fuck asks someone to spend half a day out of the office with 3 minutes of notice? What a tool!

Once bitten

I will not allow myself to be abused by the Apprentice tonight. I know who's won it, and I will not waste time watching them try and build drama. Two shitty and protracted season finales in one week is enough for me. I only wish I could read while doing cardio.

FC Dallas 2 Crapids 1

Thrilling come from behind win last night. The Inferno was in good voice, and after sleep walking thought the first half and falling behind 1-0, FC came storming back to take a deserved win.

Good to see John out in attendance for this one. We had a few laughs at the pregame tailgate. You know you are hardcore when you are tail gating before the opposing team shows up. It gives you the opportunity to erm...say hello to the opposing team's bus as they drive in.


Now it's four straight on the road...yikes.


Music-Ceasars
Netflix-Really bend it like Beckham (as I gear up for a triupmhant return to the world of competitive sports)

At the store

The woman in front of me buys only two items the first is a pregnancy test kit, and the second a hangover prevention pill called 'chaser'

Then on the way out the door she buys a lotto ticket form the machine.


You can't make this stuff up.

Don't do it

Don't take your lunch at a bar that's better at serving drinks than food. We ate at Firewater today, and from the food you'd swear you were at a strip club without the strippers. If I'm going to eat dodgy food in a place that smells like stale beer, I want to see performance art.

There were flyers up for a band called mermaid's purse, honestly how good can a band be if the name they chose is mermaid's purse.

Flanders

Flanders is not an active guy, in fact you might describe him as unathletic. So it was a surprise to see him in a huge knee brace today. I will never make fun of anyone's injuries on this blog...but...his knee sprain was caused by....wait for it......he stepped on his cat.

Flanders suffered a cat injury.

I know this is possible cause my cat has been trying to kill me for years.


I went to lunch with a large group that included Flanders, and once again he told tales of foreign prostitution..this time Fiji. The guy is the effing Brooke Burke of hookers. "today on Wild on...Fiji!

Click here for Paul Anka

I love tension. Thanks to John for sending me the above link.


Always remember;

'I'm the important one on that stage' -Paul Anka

Happy bday K

Using Itunes I downloaded the new Gorrilaz & white stripes singles last night. The White Stripes is eh..okay, but the Gorillaz is good clean genre defying fun, and should by all rights be a hit. I hope stations will play it, but I'm not holding my breath. It's not a huge leap from Hey Ya, and that was massive.


Soon I will blog about neighbors since I've been stealing ideas from John a lot lately.

I put a sixer of Guinness bottles in the fridge here at work with a note that simply says "don't"

It's weird to wear jeans and a soccer jersey to work. I mean I could dress like this every day, but I wouldn't feel professional enough...sadly.

After work it's off to the tailgate for FC Dallas.
I'm and official member of the inferno, a FC Dallas supporters group. So I guess I'm the sports equivalent of a Star Trek nerd.

www.the-inferno.net

I thought Idol was pretty good last night. The moral is don't let the kids pick their own songs. I liked Carie doing Roy Orbison, much better than that awful Dixie Chicks song she picked for herself a few weeks back.

I set off my alarm at the house this morning, and then I didn't put in the code properly, and then I didn't know the secret word. It's a wonder I'm not in jail right now.


Happy birthday Kelly! Wherever you are.

Jammed

I sat in a huge pile up coming back from lunch. Turns out a Pepsi truck was involved, I wonder if Puffy was at the helm?

My vote for most annoying commercials goes to Onstar with all that drama. Hold me Onstar operator..gimme a break. 'I'm detecting a Harry Connick cd, is everything ok? that's not like you'

Onstar beat out all about the O, by a slim margin.

I can tell you first hand

that it's hard to wear a fez and not feel silly.

I'm never gonna do it without the fez on

Today I was given a gift, it's a fez. I've never owned a fez, and I've never even tried a fez on. Now I'm the proud owner of a Liverpool Istanbul 25/5/05 fresh off the plane from Merseyside. Oh I'll wear it for the final don't you worry about that, and I may just wear to FC Dallas tomorrow night.


FC Dallas lost Richard Mulrooney for the year (torn ACL) this is really bad news he was playing brilliantly this year. I'm gutted.

The Bachelor finale was pure hell, Megan was right just watch the end. I watched way too much, and they kept saying the same things over and over. They seemed really happy in the end, and that's cool.

I do find it annoying that all the season finales are so touchy feely. Everyone has to be ok with the experience. Coby how did Survivor change your life? So Krisaly you wouldn't change a thing?

Why does everyone have to be so goddam happy about losing? Just once I'd like someone to be pissed. Effing Ian throwing his chance away to save his 'integrity' WTF? it's a game, your real integrity was never in play! Snap out of it.

I was in my backyard last night trying to bend it like Beckham...it was sad.

random

My gym plays the worst songs...period

Ricky Martin check
Who let the dogs out check
the six flags song check


In High school my friend Geoff became obsessed with a candy called skull crushers. Skull crushers were supposed to be white chocolate with raspberry filling, but the tasted like wax with plastic filling.


I'm highly allergic to a lot of stuff that's out in force right now. Riding my bike this weekend had an adverse effect.

I was really skinny when I worked for Learjet, how'd I do it? Portion control pure and simple. Now that I exercise much more it should be easier, but as your metabolism goes up, portion control gets harder.

Reality back stab

I hate the way reality shows take advantage of you for the finale. The Survivor, Apprentice, and Bachelor finals are totally overblown affairs, that make you wish you hadn't watched all season. They milk it for all it's worth and then some.

I was never young, even as a child

Sixth grade was the first time we had to shower after gym class. This is a drag of the highest order. Being forced to shower with other boys who seem to span the entire range of puberty was unsettling. I was on the less developed end of the scale..hell still am. This practice would teach me the horrors of athlete's foot, and worse Scabies....ewwww, but that's another blog.

So the coaches were big on teaching responsibility, and they were total hard asses. For the most part this is a good thing 6-8th grade boys need a little discipline. What sucked about this approach was the military unwavering style they had. If you forgot or lost anything it was tough luck. No logic need apply.

The most critical item was a towel, you kept the towel in your 'basket' it was like a locker only with large holes to let the stuff breath. All of your belongings had to have your name in permanent marker on them. My mother, ever the prankster prepared my towel in a unique way. She took and old beach towel that just so happened to have the cartoon characters of the Beatles on it, drew a line pointing to the tallest Beatle Paul maybe? And wrote in huge letters ROBBIE? With a big arrow. I don't know why my mom felt that I had quit my job as a Beatle to infiltrate the sixth grade class at Wilson elementary school, but anyway. I honestly thought nothing of it, until Wednesday of that week. I went to my basket dripping wet, opened my lock to find...no towel...gone....

You get no sympathy from the coaches even when a crime is committed, so I was up a creek. You get dressed wet, and go to class.

I figured out pretty quick that the Beatles towel had some value. So the heist wasn't a random act, but a calculated strike. There were several Beatles fans in my class, and none of them are above suspicion. I took some heart knowing that my name was written across it in huge value sabotaging permanent letters.

So if you see a Beatles beach towel on ebay or elsewhere with Robbie written across the middle or with a hole where Robbie might've been written, it's rightfully mine.

Oh and Steve Huss, I know we were boys and all, but if I see you at the reunion just know that you are a person of interest in this case. My wrath knows no statue of limitations player...sleep with one eye open.

Fridays

People seem to blog and email less on Fridays, what gives? Playing golf or somesuch? or just run out of blog juice.

the Apprentice;

I like Kendra, she is as nice as Alex, but with a better success ratio.

Survivor;

I've been saying for weeks 'vote Tom off before it's too late' it may be too late now. the girls should've gotten together.

FC Dallas travel to San Jose on Saturday night. KO is at 9 pm CDT, Fox Sports southwest will have the game, as will 990 am in English even. I will either be at the Trinity hall or the offical watching party.

New Stadium opens Aug 6th, should be very cool.

Now I got worry

I'm a worrier. I lay awake at night worrying about all kinds of stuff. Often it's something that happened years ago, so maybe it doesn't count as a worry. I go over tired old subjects, conflicts, mistakes I've made. This constant reply is unhealthy I imagine, but it's hard to turn off.

Unfortunately this practice hasn't made me any less prone to making the same kind of mistakes.

I'm real unorganized right now, in many ways.

There are piles of magazines, books, and cds in my bedroom, on the kitchen counter, the floor. I'm about two steps from the mystery machine, and it's time to get it sorted.

Perhaps this weekend spring cleaning is in order.

I'm fighting a lot of demons, and I think they are winning.


Music-Of Montreal

It's been a rough week here in Lake Wobegone

Bad week all around for me. Ants, money woes, getting honked at for yielding the right of way to a car coming off the highway (remember that?) No one does this anymore, but last I checked it was still the law. I was not happy to have an old lady honk at me for it.

Now today is Friday the 13th, and this week is already on a roll.


I have a real bad vibe at work right now. We are being asked to write detailed procedures on everything we do. So that 'if we are out' someone else can follow step by step and fill in. No doubt this someone will earn a fraction of what we earn. I'm not paranoid, cause I've been through it before.

Oh well there's always Sound Warehouse...well erm maybe not.

The good news is more of my friends are blogging, and sticking with it. This is turning out to be the best way for me to keep up the many goings ons with everyone.

Music and piece of mind today is brought to you by Feist (lovely CD worthy of note)
Netflix-Street car named desire (perhaps the most imitated scene ever? Stella!)

F

Eff banks
Eff the I. R. S.
and Eff math!

Crisis

My personal cash flow is in crisis. I will put the new phone, and all other non-essential projects on hold while I sort it out. The IRS took a mighty bite this year.


Gotta run to lunch now, I hope I have time to get to the plasma center, and the sperm bank.

Going forward

I should like to be called monsieur valentine from now on. I'll try and change some of my message board screen names to reflect this new persona.

It's from a Spoon song called the two sides of monsieur valentine.


I was born on Valentine's day, and I'm very bi polar...perfecto!

Change

Sometimes it's better not to know
holding on to nothing when you should just let go-Joe Pernice


After paying the IRS a large sum of money, the time is right for me to roll with the new and get my online banking on. This recent dip in my cashflow has brought my poor record keeping under closer scrutiny. Let's face insufficient funds charge only add insult to injury.

I wonder if I would ever get hired for any job if I were completely honest.

attention to detail? eh some I guess
multi task? rather not
good with people? ha!
self starter? maybe later


Nope I better not be too real.

Regular long

They know me at Smoothie King. Not as in a VIP step right up sir kind of way, more in the way we used to tolerate the homeless guys at Sound Exchange. I'm pretty sure they are nice to me cause I'm sad, not cause I'm cool.

The woman who owns the place doesn't see me that often, but she's seen me enough to recognize me as a regular.

One cool thing they do at SK is remember what you usually get. You walk in and they rhetorically ask if you want the usual.

Anyway I walk in one day and the owner is there, she asks me
'blueberry heaven? Erm...no..peach slice plus

I've never had blueberry heavan, not once, why did she ask em that..I shrugged it off.

Fast forward a month to yesterday. I walk in and I see a tallish, blondish dude order a blueberry heaven. He is wearing Wranglers, and boots, and is what most observers would call a redneck.

The blueberry heaven guys is a redneck!

This means I have been mistaken for a redneck! Now I won't dispute a slight physical resemblance, but I had hoped I wasn't easily confused with our more chicken fried denizens.

Is this what she thinks of me? To her, I'm no cooler than the redneck guy, hell not even distinguishable.

It can be eye opening to learn how we are perceived in our day to day routines.

To my co-workers I'm aloof, moody and anti-social. I dispute none of these charges. But I thought I had been on my best behavior at the king.

We're sorry

Don't you hate it when you do not know your party's three digit extension, or their last name? This can make things difficult.

That moment when you realise you don't know your contact's last name is humbling.

'uh no, just Joe...I don't know his last name.


Honestly you have no idea how much my effing phone rings.

Ob La De

Screw it, this blog is going all Beatles.

Big D

Where we evict the homeless, and ban panhandling. Eff you homeless mofos! Your condition and behavior are illegal. How do you like them apples biaatch! Go to Austin and try that sheeeeiiit.


There are no easy answers to the homeless problem, but evicting them from under a bridge is really sad.

Maybe we could have a 'War on the homeless' we seem to like the sound of things that have war in the title. There is a precedent for making illness, mental or otherwise a crime. The war on drugs has been such a huge success, why not. I'm sure the illegality of being a crack addict is pretty far down the list of a crack addict's concerns.

Flanders

I need to order a new cash box for the petty cash, there has been $10-13 missing in each of the last two months. I'm pretty sure they know the lock is broken-Flanders

Flanders wants to wait until July to buy a $25 lock box because we have a high cashflow target for June. Sounds to me like it would pay for itself in loss prevention, but I would never question the venerable Flanders.

In the meantime I didn't know we had free run of the petty cash...woo hoo!

Mission Accomplished

The Ants have been turned back, and word is their morale is poor. I am producing a deck of cards with the most wanted ants or as I like to call them evil doers on them.

Departures

Say what's the new Cocteau twins sound like?
oh it's a radical departure (dripping sarcasm)

This was a running gag back in the Sound exchange days. It wasn't so much an insult as simply a fact that with certain bands you knew what you were getting.

Stereolab, and Cocteau Twins are perhaps the best examples of bands where you know from record to record what you are going to get.

This tired old line comes to mind for me again as I listen to the new Coldplay single 'Speed of sound' It's not bad, in fact it's downright pleasant. It's just exactly what you would expect, it sounds vaguely like Clocks, has no rough edges, and is reminiscent of U2. It falls short of being truly inspirational, or sounding very original. In a time when Coldplay has so many imitators, the time is right for them to find a new direction. From what I read the album is more diverse, and I for one certainly hope so.

Took the kid to his school talent contest last night, and it was like something from an Alexander Payne film. You haven't really learned to party til you've seen second graders tell jokes complete with an awkward straight man.

hey Haley
yeah
why does...what is a frog's favorite soda?
long awkward pause
uh Sprite?
no, cherry croak!

There were Avril Levigne impersonations, a hip hop stomp performance, and a surprisingly good violin concerto.

Who says I don't go out anymore.


Music- Spoon Gimme Fiction

skunk

A couple years ago I bought a new belt on a Sunday and wore it for the first time on Monday.

At about 10 am that morning I started to notice a skunky smell. It got worse by the minute. I totally freaked!

At first I thought it was coming from this older gentlemen I worked with, but my reconnaissance work confirmed that he smelled like Old Spice as he did every day. No, this foul smell was on me somehow. But how? I'd showered, made it a point not to step in shit, or get sprayed by a skunk on the way in. I didn't get gas, or interact with anything that would smell foul.

Sniff my pits for deodorant..check
check again..yep clear..then WTF?
I became convinced it was on my clothes somehow. It didn't smell like mildew, but maybe my clothes had sat in the washer too long, I had no idea.

The smell was bad enough that others were noticing. Shit, what to do? I still can't figure out what's causing this.

It's not me, it's gotta be ON me somewhere. So I went to lunch early and raced home, changed my shirt, pants, and taking no chances I changed my shoes and socks also. Giving each item the once over as it was removed, I strangely detected no foul smell.

I gave myself a deodorant touch up, and a shot of cologne. Put the contents of my pockets into the new pants and switched the new belt to the replacement pants.

Feeling good, back at work....skunk smell...WTF?


Off to the men's room, really feeling weird now, what was it? While in the men's room I retraced my steps.

I showered
I put on deodorant
I put on cologne
I put on clean clothes

Then at lunch
I retouched deodorant
I recologned
I changed into new clean clothes
I'm even wearing a brand...new...bel....Fuck! I scrambled to remove my belt and as I'm holding the belt to my nose in walks coworker. Now I'm forced to explain that which only moments ago I didn't myself understand to this coworker who I hardly know.

yeah it seems this belt I just bought is real stinker
you bought it today?
no, I bought it yesterday
did it stink then?
well no, at least I didn't notice, I mean why would I buy a belt that smells like this

I went back to my desk.

Belt removed, case closed, but smell remained somewhat. Got home couldn't find the receipt, threw skunk belt in trash.

Lest we forget

You need to tivo the documentary about the late great Z channel that's running this month on IFC. Trust me on this one.

I have an ant invation at home, and the pest control guy isn't out until Saturday. This means Adam and the antz must be fought hand to hand for the next four days. I love the smell of Raid in the morning.



Music-the fortgotten arm, and this NME comp again..love this silly VHS or beta song...so 80's

Netflix-Five Easy Pieces

First round match ups

The 'can you hear me now' guy will take on the know-it-all Asian American guy from Cingular in a Texas death match.

Ms. Zeta-Jones will meet Sprint's trenchcoat man in what promises to be an epic battle.

Winners will advance to the hometown date round.

I'm a crazy person

I pretty much am insane. I have to have a few cds with me at all times. Even though my Ipod is loaded, I also must have discs everywhere. Here is why it's crazy, I listen to the same cd all day at work. Whatever I put on first will be on repeat all day. Today it's some free NME disc that's pretty good. If it's rubbish then it won't last the day, but most will.

So most days one disc would be fine, two tops.

So why am I pushing a shopping cart full of cds, and muttering to myself about blur vs. oasis.

The last in line

I think I comment too much on other people's blogs. I get a complex when I'm the last comment, like maybe something I said caused everyone to lay out. My comment...crickets...

Fancy Pants

Henrik is fresh and clean today. Perhaps he just needed the weekend to get sorted.

Blueteeth, blackberries, and razors, oh my

I need a new phone, and this month I am a free agent. I want a phone that's real pimped out. I want the return of the mack. I want to take pictures, view pictures, listen to music, and microwave a hot pocket.

I want a phone that doesn't make me repeat my lines, or mess up the lines of a suit.

Flanders' meeting

I just walked out of a Flanders hosted meeting. When he said we need to have a cash flow of 1.6 mil in June I laughed out loud.

We need cash flow to be 1.6 in June
hahahahaahahahah! Impossible!

no one else was laughing....err okay.....

Flanders says-just so you know we will only be paying the bill we absolutely have to, and we will be paying the minimum amount we can get away with.

I wondered what exactly was new about all of this, my suppliers call me every day asking for payment that is nearing 60 or 90 days.

So we agreed to not spend any money we didn't have to, which is kinda our job anyway. Yawn...I wish I worked for a company that had money.


It's kinda liberating in a way, anybody wants anything the answer is no! Talk to me in July.

Office

I was just walking down the hall (faster than a cannonball) to the men's room, and out pops Flanders right in front of me making no attempt to yield. So now I have a rude Flanders in front of me, and it's clear he is also going to the men's room, and he's only two feet in front of me...what to do? I panic, I don't want to go to the men's room with Flanders...think!

I make a quick left and feign interest in the kitchen, but there was someone in there so I had to carry the act out a little further. I look in the fridge for something that isn't there until they leave.

Now still needing to pee I make my way to the Men's room where Flanders is just coming out. Ahh the place all to myself just the way I like it.


My phone is pretty much always ringing, it would be crazy to answer it. Every once in a while someone will get a bee in their ass and put out a memo encouraging all of us to try and answer our phones more. No chance! I work in procurement, we get calls from all manner of tools looking for business. Hey Robert can I come in and talk to you about your Janitorial service? Hey Richard (for some reason my name is hard to remember) can I come see you about waste disposal? Hey Ron, I'd like to come show you how I can save you money on warehousing. Mr. Mentor who's your long distance carrier?

All riveting options that would sure be fun, but might interfere with my more pressing duties. Like blogging.

So for the first time in a year the guy I like to call Tim is here, and I half expected him to walk up to me and say 'I heard you been bloggin' about my pants'

Fiona

Here's another speech you wish I'd swallow
Another cue for you to fold your ears
Another train of thought too hard to follow
Chugging along to the song that belongs to
The shifting of gears
Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is the evident in my existence

-Fiona Apple

Mon

I'm about to walk into a meeting where I won't be able to avoid the pant issue.

Mom

thanks for the flowers
oh you're welcome
You shouldn't spend money on that stuff
it was no big deal
they are beautiful
well good
But honestly it's stupid to spend money on that
erm..well
but they are lovely


So many conversations with my mother go like that. I don't know if I'm being thanked or scolded.

The fact is my high water mark came in third grade. We were asked to make a Mother's day card in class, and mine was all about me...naturally.

Roses are red
violets are bronze
you're the best mom
and I am the fonze

Happy Days was a big player in those days, as was Dynamite magazine.


Terreli's is not a good choice for a 7 year old. The pace is too slow for the first grader. He is generally well behaved, and pretty patient for his age, but sitting making idle chit chat really tests his patience. (he gets that from me) So Mother's day was a real test for both of us. Lunch shouldn't take four hours but it does, leave the house at 12, got home at 3:30 (okay 3.5 hours)

100 songs haunt me, just this am I heard two that should be included;

99 and a half -Wilson Pickett
Bitch-Rolling Stones.

The MLS is wild ass soccer. FC Dallas came back from 3-1 down in 77th minute to salvage a draw. Then on Sunday LA and CO had 3 penalties in the last 5 minutes.

Ocean song

How did annush blog from aboard the Q2 in the middle of the Atlantic?

Funny you can wifi via satellite from the sea, but you still can't get a cell signal in downtown.

Pants

Our old operations manager who I will call Tim, was from the UK and was a real good guy we all liked pretty well. One odd thing though, he wore the same trousers nearly everyday, not the same make and model mind, but the exact same pair.

Tim left our company, and they hired a new guy who I will call Henrik. Now that Henrik has been here few months, I've noticed history repeating itself. Henrik is from Sweden, and has worn the exact same pair of pants everyday this week. I'm not the only one who has noticed this phenomenon. It is unavoidable since we have a daily meeting where we all stand and discuss projects. Since we are not seated you are forced to behold your coworkers full ensemble.

Is this a Euro thing?

When we place an ad for an Operations manager does the ad state

'Small international manufacturing company seeks euro trouser repeater'

Me? I'm sporting my J Crew cords, and they haven't been worn in weeks.

Blair wins

So I guess it's our turn to write the open letters to the citizens of the UK asking how they could be so stupid. Blair is Jerome to Bush's Morris Day, so if we are idiots for reelecting Bush, what does that say about them?

These are dark times.

Crash

After reading the New yorker review, and taking one look at the cast, I'd really like to see Crash.

I may be failing

As a parent but my son knows all the cuss words. He's not allowed to say them, and he understands there is a time and place for that type of language. I never felt like I could shield him from Louie Louie his whole life. I've even unwittingly burned him a cd that had foul language on it. (Gorillaz) Maybe I'm a bad parent, and maybe this a big experiment that will ultimately fail..time will tell.

In my house you don't have to film Elvis from the waist up, ban Louie Louie, or be afraid to shake it.

My hope is that I can raise an intelligent child who will exercise good judgment in a complex world. Not spend a lifetime trying to protect him from the harsh realities of the Kingsmen.

going fetal

'Purple rain'
'no'
'Sign of the times'
'no way'
'Batman soundtrack'
'throw it!-Shawn of the dead


It must be time for the spring ratings book, cause the news stations have started their ridiculous teases again.

'tonight how your pet may be making you sick'
'Is your cell phone making you a target'
'how your toothpaste may lead to HIV'


Rocky mountain way

I drive on a stretch of highway known for rigs with rocks. I have been hit by rocks numerous times. My windshield has two divots, and I'm lucky that's all. There is no point in replacing it until you stop driving on the same stretch of highway everyday.


I did two hours of step last night while watching Survivor and Apprentice. Now my ass hurts.

I never ate a Zinger outside of the school cafeteria. In the cafeteria Zingers were a big player, outside not so much.

This new Eels record is good. (thanks LMB)

Puritans

.BENTON HARBOR, Mich. - A pop culture controversy that has simmered for decades came to a head when a middle school marching band was told not to perform "Louie Louie."


Stories like this make me sad. I think people who want to live an Amish life should go do it and leave the rest of us alone.

My conservative friends think cases like these are the work of liberals, and my liberal friends think it's the work of conservatives.

Oh and the cheerleader law is actually going to pass.

We sure need a lot of protection don't we? What will happen if we hear Louie louie or see a cheerleader shake her booty? I'm sorry I'm not a huge fan of fundamentalism, or laws that dictate taste.

Besides the idea of a cheerleader suggestively shaking it to the tune of Louie Louie sounds pretty good to this concerned citizen.

Played out angles

Why does every horror film have to have the in-the-know kid angle? The trailer for the new Jennifer Connelly movie 'Dark Water' has a kid who knows the shot. The kid's imaginary friend isn't so imaginary. We've seen this more times than can be counted, the DeNiro movie from last year had it. The Shinning, Poltergeist, Exorcist...and on down the line.

Even the sixth sense which was terrific, had the same angle.


Think of something else please.

Silent all these years

I know several people who would be happy if I didn't say anything for 9 years.

Stereolab sound really 60's

I will soul train dance to Red Alert by Basement Jaxx

I keep thinking it's Friday, because I took half of Tuesday off, and last week a took Wednesday off. Don't you love it when you wake up on Saturday morning and you think it's a work day just for an instant....ah sweet release when you realize it's Sabado.

There is nothing in my bag of blog tricks today.

I will root against a KC team playing at Arrowhead on Saturday. This will be a first, and it feels weird. Can't help I love me some FC Dallas.

is that a snake in your cereal

Or are you just glad to see me?

Boy finds 2 ft snake in cereal...honestly...

Enough with the _______ finds _______ in _________ stories


David Sedaris is very popular and one of my favorites. Publishers are keen to cash in on the Sedaris popularity from the look of the trade paperbacks on the table.

'the female southern David Sedaris'
'David Sedaris with more edge'
'like a ___________ David Sedaris'
'If David Sedaris wrote the Da Vinci code'
'What if David Sedaris had a Piper cub'


There is an excerpt from the forthcoming Hornby novel in the current issue of Best Life magazine. I was skeptical of the premise, but I found myself buying into the trademark Hornby wit and style.

There are Star Wars fans camping in front of the theatre near my home. Even though the tickets have been on sale for a while now. They claim they are doing it for charity, but I wonder how much sponsorship one can generate sitting on one's arse in front of a theatre for no good reason.

Stupid questions

I certainly ask my share of stupid questions, but I like to let people get their coffee first.

Before I even got to my desk this morning I got a series of stupid questions.

Is Sergio gonna be here today?
Do you know what he did with the camera?
How much do those cameras cost?

None of these questions have anything to do with me. Sergio comes in at 9 everyone knows this, and we are not the keepers of the camera. Oh and don't effing ask me how much a digital camera costs, it depends of features and where you shop etc. For fuck's sake!

And no, shockingly these were not Flanders questions.


Eff Chelsea! All Hail Luis Garcia.


Music-Hal (so effing happy)

Ethics

'why would someone go out of their way to say I'm not a genius'-Owen Wilson in Royal Tennenbaums

Should a coach be forced to resign for saying someone is not the N word?

It's an interesting debate. I will never defend anyone using the N word under any circumstance. unless you are named Chris Rock.

But is this too extreme? Have we reached a point where comments count more than character? You get the sense that you spend your whole life saving people from burning buildings, but say one (albeit a biggie) wrong thing and it's all out the window.

Are we judging people on the content of their character, or on a ten second sound bite?

You could argue that a sound bite can say a lot about someone's character, and I wouldn't disagree with you, but my fear is PC demands black and white answers in a gray world. Most people are neither good nor evil, and if the kid in question and his family are willing to forgive the guy than who the hell are we to say.

Having said all of that I would ask him to leave as well, but it does raise some interesting questions about the role of PC thinking.

Are there free speech questions? Should you be employable only if you have never (at least publicly) said the N word.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm defending people using the N word, I certainly will not. Using it in most any context is reprehensible.

Dumb

You are reading the blog of an idiot. You probably already know this. But wait here's proof. I purchased King of America by Elvis Costello for the fourth time. Is this one of my all time favorites, or does it have some significant personal meaning that would justify such a financial commitment? Nah, It's not even my favorite EC record. I would call it a solid three star effort with some four star moments.


I bought the vinyl when it came out, the cd when it came out years later. The improved Rycodisc version in the late 80's, and now the ultra remixed, remastered, extra tracks, we got it right this time honest version.

Don't get me started on the White Album.

Buying the same record over and over is probably the definition of insanity.

I could illegally download til the cows come home, and I wouldn't get even.

Dan Deacon

My Dan Deacon link is broken, sadly.

This clip is genius. He's a musical guest on the local part of the Today show. He performs a bizarre song and his keyboard is connected to a mess of wires that look like a plane crash. After about 3 minutes they fade him out and go to commercial.

It rules.

Sarah W

'Everyone always likes me'
'Men are drawn to me'
'If he doesn't pick me he's an idiot'
'Did I mention how everyone usually likes me'
'honestly, I'm really well liked'


...then after she got the boot

'Everyone always hates me cause I'm so pretty'

Jilted

So the would-be husband of the runaway bride says he still wants to close the deal. I'd be so outta there, they'd have to come find me in NM or points beyond.

I fertilized my lawn this weekend, it's now officially over for me. I will never return to the living. I hate yard work, and most things domestic. I'd rather read or listen to music. I enjoy outside exercise, but not yard work. I watch ground force and it all looks so easy, when I get out there it's Vietnam. I think I'm a city mouse.

I love seeing Canadian Geese in the area.

Netflix-What the bleep do we know (got on my nerves, and I thought I would love it..oh well)

Waiter, there's a finger in my ice cream

You found a fanger in your ice cream?

That's so weird cause we had an employee lose a finger just the other day. What a coincidence, who'd have thunk it.


Can we stop with all the finger foods! real and imagined.

click here

I wonder how this act was booked for the local Today show?

Would this be Robin Williams had he not found early success?

I love his gear, this is genius.

Tired of fake stories

We found buried treasure! yessireeebob we done dug it up right over there boy! Well we actually stole it.

She's missing, this isn't a case of cold feet, this is a missing person. Have you seen her? tell me have you seen her?

Erm she just had cold feet


I found a dang ol fanger ina muh chili!

Or not.

The media

The so-called liberal media is at again. This report that credible threats against the US are down to the lowest level since 9/11 rings hollow to me. Perhaps the threats ARE down, but only because the successful killings are way up. US soldiers and citizens are dying weekly, if not daily in Iraq.

Are we safer overall, I certainly hope so.

So long and thanks for the fish

I worry I'm losing readers. It's my own fault for having no substance on here. No one gives a shit about the Apprentice, or what songs my gym plays. That six flags song is the latest gym hit, and it's no better without the fake old man dancing. My record collection, vitamin regimen, and netflix choices could only hold you rapt for so long. How could I have been so blind.

Running to New Mexico instead of getting married may be the most genius Idea in the history of mankind.

Some of the Laura Bush jokes would almost be funny if the guy wasn't in charge of everything. Somehow joking about the daftness of our President is not funny to me.

I'll try and think of something worth blogging about....uhhhh


Make trade fair!...that didn't feel real.

Changing the world through blogging just isn't my cup of tea.

Sarah B is the only one left on the bachelor that has a brain, and she's from around here.

Much better that.

Tennis

I've been trying to work up the nerve to play tennis again. I'm not what you would call a people person. Last fall I signed up for a class and it was immediately cancelled. Maybe I'll try again this summer. I don't like to play tennis with someone I don't know very well, because if you hate each other it can get awkward. I was thinking I might meet someone through the class who is at my skill level(very low)

Here are my requirements;

About the same skill level as myself
Not too competitive
Not too non-competitive
Proper etiquette and sportsmanship are essential
Not an idiot

Aimee whatchu wanna do

New Aimee Mann this week, you can hear it all streaming on www.cduniverse.com

holla

Monday

Dog walking isn't what it used to be. I see people walking their dogs around the cool urban part of town, and often they are quite fashionable. Your shoes may be Mario Blahnik, your shades a fetching Prada pair, but your bag ruins it, no not the lovely Vuitton bag, the one filled with steaming poo.

When we were kids people would let their dogs drop anywhere 'sorry man, nature' stepping in poo was a right of passage, a signal that summer had arrived.

Speaking of Poo, FC lost to LA on Saturday. LA is very hateable, just wait til they come here. Let's make some signs in German for Landon. My brother and I attended the official FC Dallas watching party. Get this there are like 20 people there, and 10 of them work for the team, including the GM! Strange scene.